Alright...so I've been dealing with something lately... the details of which I won't get into. Though many of you know, it's not worth ranting and raving about on-line.
Net net- there was a person in my life that I was quite fond of. He decided he didn't like me so much and treated me not so nicely. I retaliated in a way very unlike my normal behaviour and he responded in kind.
Throughout all of this I became quite angry at him. (And probably also angry at myself). Angry and full of hate.
What did that get me?
It got me a couple of months of being angry, and ranting and raving at anyone who would listen (and who eventually stopped listening- who can blame them?!). It got me bad, negative moods and errant behaviour.
The anger spread and started taking over other aspects of my life. Like the disease that it is... it started infecting friendships, relationships and my personal sense of peace.
I've always been a fairly optimistic and positive person. And have coached others to be the same. Filled with anger and hate I became the person who said "I don't care. I'm tired of being the bigger person- let them admit they are wrong. I'm a victim! I don't care what they want- what about what I want?! Poor me, poor me, poor me!"
Which brings us to today. Or rather- last night.
I was sitting on my couch, plotting revenge and being miserable and suddenly this thought just came to me. You have to forgive him. You have to love him.
Now this person doesn't want my forgiveness. This person definitely doesn't want my love. He hates me and never wants to see me again (I KNOW- ME!!! Can you imagine?!?!) but nevertheless that's not the point. The anger and hate exists in me because I'm holding onto it. And I can't let go of it until I choose love over this.
And so I did.
And immediately I felt that weight come off of me. I literally felt light again. And thought to myself "oh... there you are" (meaning me). The happy, optimistic and good person was back.
And I don't need to have contact with this person or make a grandiose gesture of forgiveness, because that's for me, and he's seeking neither of those things. I apologized to this person weeks ago. And whether not he accepts and forgives as well... well that's for him.
I have to say though- it's SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Love and forgiveness rock over anger and hate.