Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Integrity We Have. The Choices We Make.

So.... I was kicked out of my apartment at the beginning of this month. One month notice. Out by Sept 30 (not to worry-I've likely found a studio in my same building). Does this make me a bad person? Well I've lived in roughly 15 different apartments over the course of 17 years. And though I won't say I'm the best roommate- I'm also not horrible. And I'm not a bad person.

But I may have made some bad choices.

I believe who we are is an amalgamation of all of the choices we make. And whether or not we make these choices with integrity. These range from what we have for breakfast (if we have breakfast) to whether we choose to tell the bank if they've made a $500 deposit error in our account. Choices of where we spend our money, how we choose to make it. Who we choose to spend our time with and whether or not we give up our seat on the subway to someone less able. Do we treat our colleagues with respect? When faced with a difficult choice is it something we face or avoid? How do we choose to deal with adverse circumstances?

And all of our choices have a right and a wrong. Good and bad.

And at what point do the bad choices we make mean we are bad people?? I'm sure that the guy who accidentally shoots someone when robbing a convenience store for money to feed his family thought he wasn't a bad person. But a series of bad choices, and how he chose to respond to circumstances in his life lead him to that negative place.

So one should live with integrity in all of their choices. Right??

Except sometimes it seems more fun to make the wrong choices. The reason my roommate gave for parting ways was because a few months ago we walked into his bedroom at 2:30 in the morning in order to get out onto the patio. Yup- just barged right in. "We'll be so quiet they won't hear us or even know" is what we told ourselves. 7 grown adults who'd been drinking all night are not quiet in any way shape or form. It seemed funny at the time. Of course apologies were issued and regret was expressed in the dim light of morning but the damage was done.

A good person who made a bad choice.

I'm not perfect. I think I'm still a good person. But I can honestly say I look back at the last 12-18 months and can identify a few slip ups. And I'm kind of happy I was asked to leave- as it gives me reason to pause. And re-evaluate. And maybe hit re-set.

And start to make choices with more integrity.

And the upside: this time the choices I made really only hurt me (and not even as I'm excited about getting my own place) and I hadn't gotten to the stage where my choices would negatively affect someone else.

Except for the poor sucker who now has to move into my room. He/She will have to deal with my purple wall.

No comments: