Where to start?? Well, it's quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.* Ever. I would have walked out except for the company I was with.
While watching the movie I actually got a bit upset- for a couple of reasons:
- I would never get those two hours back
- The "stars" probably made more money in this one horrible film than I'll make in a lifetime
- This movie employed such a large team of should be slinging burgers talentless hacks- from props and styling to script and direction.
So rather than focus on the movie I tried to distract myself by making lists of things I'd rather be doing...
- Mopping the floor of my new apartment
- Doing laundry in a bathroom sink??
- Re-reading "Breaking Dawn" while in Vancouver (see previous post about reading "Breaking Dawn" while in Vancouver - 08.08).
Then I tried to predict what would happen: Here's where the 'kooky' friend makes some inappropriate joke to the new guy in order to break the ice. And this is when dude makes an impassioned speech and cries. And that guy over there is going to start to clap. And then the rest will follow. How about when the Dad comes in and says "We never blamed you son! We never blamed you." (his wife died in a car accident while he was driving- that's the big reveal at the end. There- I've just ruined the movie for you). Rounding up with when he starts to conquer his fears and do all of the things he couldn't do at the beginning of the film only 7 short hours earlier.
And finally this led to me creating more lists about what could possibly be more painful than watching this movie:
- Having my arm bent around my back like my brothers used to do when I was a kid.
- Eating super hot jalapenos dipped in tomato sauce and stuffed with pineapple while having a mouth full of canker sores
- Perhaps filing your incisors down to sharp little points with a nail file, and then using those points to puncture multiple holes in your own arm, and then taking that arm and dipping it into a fish tank filled with starving piranhas. I suppose that would be more painful.
And that's where I finish. I don't recommend the movie. I really don't.
(*Brazil is still the worst)